The NMR

In the autumn of 2007, new Prime Minister John Reid introduced an array of tough new measures in order to win the War on Terror. We’ve long since accepted the necessity of defeating evil so it’s easy to forget that at the time, many of the measures were considered hugely controversial.

Perhaps the most controversial was the National Muslim Roulette. The idea that one random British Muslim would be killed every day (and two on Bank Holidays) until all Islamists surrendered seemed like a step too for many people. Not everyone had understood that moderate Muslims’ unwillingness to defeat Islamic extremism made them equally responsible for terrorism and that they could be punished accordingly.

When the license to operate the NMR and to broadcast the daily executions was first awarded to Killalot (of Muslims), some even attempted to take to the streets in protest. Their applications to protest were of course refused under the new Defence of Democracy Act 2007 but the intention was there. Looking back, it is remarkable to think that it took so long for the self-evident justice of the NMR to be fully absorbed into the national conscience.

Opinions are divided as to what finally won round the dissenters. Some believe it was the enormously entertaining live TV programmes. Initially presented by Lord Winton of Orange, a man of unrivalled charisma, viewing figures were impressive from day one. The popularity of the “It’s Your Death” segment, with its famous Wheel of Justice, has been particularly enduring.

Historians now tend to agree, however, that the turning point came in early 2008 when Osama bin Laden released one of his famous audio broadcasts. His description of the National Muslim Roulette as a great injustice combined with his demand that it be stopped changed British attitudes to the NMR forever. Those who had previously doubted the morality of the Roulette could set their minds at rest. Clearly, if bin Laden said it was wrong, it was right and if bin Laden said he wanted it stopped, it should continue. The logic was inescapable.

From that point on, those who continued to protest against the NMR could be seen for what they were; appeasers, apologists and traitors. We could not possibly allow bin Laden to dictate our decisions. The very idea was as outrageous then is it is today. The public rallied and refused to submit to the demands of the Islamists; the unquestionably morally righteous National Muslim Roulette would continue.

Bin Laden’s intervention also triggered an added twist, one which boosted the already high viewing figures to a remarkable degree. In the summer of 2008 the government decreed that the remaining objectors, now that they had been exposed as appeasers, apologists and traitors, would be added to the Roulette’s database.

The first programme featuring one of these traitorous leftists remains the most watched British TV show of all time. (For those who don’t know, contestants on the show are selected from the database randomly by ERIC the computer.) He wasn’t chosen for Ultimate Justice on that occasion, much to everyone’s disappointment, but he was killed some days later by an angry mob. A number of tabloid photographers and cameramen happened to be on the scene to record the incident so justice was ultimately seen to be done.

After that, nobody really objected to the NMR.

(Dedicated to various comments on this thread. And yes, I did watchTime Trumpet last night.)

Tags: News, Politics, Terrorism, Media