Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Equal Opportunities

Do they really think we're idiots?

Nick Robinson pre-empts the question on the mind a "Prescott-basher" like myself:
Prescott-bashers respond with a single question - of the type Mrs Merton once posed to the wife of Paul Daniels: "What first attracted the billionaire owner of the Dome who wanted to house the UK's first ever super casino to John Prescott?"
Perhaps it was his sparkling wit.

On the radio, I've just heard a Prescott loyalist (it's a strange, strange world) playing down these meetings between the DPM and the billionaire casino operator. To paraphrase:
There's nothing untoward here. The DPM has meetings with all sorts of people all the time.
They *do* think we're idiots.

Unless...
Dear Mr Prescott,

Subsequent to the publicity surrounding your stay at the ranch of US billionaire Philip Anschutz, I was delighted to hear that in your capacity as Deputy Prime Minister you have many meetings with all sorts of people. It's great to know that you're not living in an ivory tower or lavishly and decadently indulging in the trappings of power in the way that those evil Tory's used to.

I too would very much like to arrange a series of private meetings with you at my home at your earliest convenience. The weekends are best for me and I believe that this is also your own preference. I've checked my diary and I'm pretty flexible really so any weekend this year would be fine. You'd be more than welcome to bring Mr Blair too although I understand that he is rather busy. Still, I'm sure that you'll be able to pass on the thrust of our conversations, what with you having direct access and all.

Although I don't own a ranch, I do have a spare bed which is very comfortable; I understand that it's important that a man like yourself gets a good night's sleep (and it's a double bed so there's room for one more if you want to bring your wife). If Tony was also coming, I would, of course, sleep on the couch. I have a camp bed and a lilo so I could accomodate two members of staff also. Perhaps you could advise me in advance as to any particular dietary requirements which would need to be provided for.

As for leisure facilities, I'm afraid I don't have a croquet lawn but their is a council bowling green nearby if you fancy a game. There are tennis courts too although they're a bit run down if truth be told. I believe there are also a couple of casinos in Aberdeen, not been myself mind, not really my cup of tea, but I could probably sort out some membership if you're keen to make a night of it. Do you still need to apply for membership to casinos twenty four hours in advance or did the government change the law on that? I'm not sure but you're bound to know. Anyway, there's plenty to do up here in Aberdeen so I'm sure you'll have a good weekend.

I do so look forward to meeting you. There are a great many things I can't wait to discuss.

Your sincerely,

C.H.
What do you mean, a waste of a good stamp? How cynical...

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4 comments:

areopagitica said...

Are you sure you have thought this through? What would you do if he said yes and they all turned up?

Apart from the joys of conversation, mealtimes, entertainment, etc., where would you put the security guards and the two or three hundred policemen (plus attached police marksmen) come to that?

(I'm not kidding - I've twice come across these security levels - for Charles Clarke and the PM. The Queen travels with a more modest protection squad.)

k

Sunny said...

"and it's a double bed so there's room for one more if you want to bring your wife"

Or someone other than his wife... :)

Eddie said...

So mischievious, Garry. I love it. Great letter. Do let us know if you get a reply!

I remember when you and I first began blogging back in February 2005... good to see your blog has only gone from strength to strength since then!

Oh, what I could have achieved had I not thrown in the towel. I mean, I could have plugged by the BBC too...

CuriousHamster said...

K, they'd have to sleep on the floor. I suspect big John won't be overkeen to make the visit though...

Sunny, indeedy. I had originally written something else there but decided to play it straight instead. Sort of the blogging equivalent of a poker face. :o|

Thanks Eddie. I never thought that'd happen when I started. Got linked by the Beeeb again yesterday actually. Nice man that Alan Connor.

On the plus side for you, having given up full time blogging, you've probably got a life. Ah, I remember when I had one of those... :o)