Spooks in your Inbox

From tomorrow (Tuesday), MI5 is offering a new service.

MI5 is to send emails alerting the public to the prospect of an imminent terror attack. From tomorrow, the security service's website will provide a free registration service for those wanting the latest information about the threat level. Subscribers entering their email address will receive a message with the words ''MI5 news update'' whenever there is a change on the website.

I hate to be a party pooper but I already have a service in place which alerts me to any changes in the terror threat level. I call it "the news". And the great thing is, anyone with an internet connection, a TV or a radio can already access this extraordinarily useful service.

It's a wonder MI5 didn't know that. I might email them. They'll already have spent the money now and have gone to all that effort at what must be a very busy time but at least they'll know for the next time.

Dear Spooks,

I am writing to direct your attention to a service you may not have heard of. It's called the BBC News website. This publicly available service is specifically designed to disseminate newsworthy materials and I'm reliably informed that it reaches a rather large number of people. While you appear to be unaware of it, the BBC and other media organisations (companies who specialise in providing factual information to the public) have an impeccable track record when it comes to this sort of thing. A simple phone call to a person called a "journalist" would be a simple and cost-effective way to advise the public of any changes to the terrorist threat level.

Sorry for taking up so much of your time with this email but I thought that knowledge of these "news services" might be of some help to you in your tireless efforts to defeat the terrorist menace.

Yours humbly,

C.H.

Perhaps I'm being unkind. Maybe this is actually part of a new cunning but secret plan to win the war on terror with a deluge of unfiltered spam.