The Wriggle

Apologies for the lack of blogging this week. I should be back up to speed by the weekend or the start of next week at the latest. In the meantime, here's a wee thought.

Did you know that an Aberdeen football team holds the record for the worst defeat in a British competitive football match? Bon Accord F.C. were beaten 36-0 by Arbroath in 1885. Ouch.

Can you imagine what the after-match press conference would have been like if Tony Blair had been the manager of Bon Accord?

Journalist: Well Tony, that was an absolute shambles. You chose 11 players who couldn't play football, a formation which didn't work and a goalkeeper who was scared of the ball. Do you feel any responsibility for this embarrassing defeat and will you resign?

Blair: No, I accept no responsibility for this. The principal reason we had this problem is because the other team deliberately tried to give us a problem.

Journalist: Well yes, but shouldn't you have expected that and planned accordingly? It's not like the other team attempting to beat you was a surpr...

Blair: Look, there's sometimes a sense in which, it's as if, if only we sort of had a different strategy, somehow we could have avoided this problem. This problem hasn't originated naturally. It's originated as a result of the other team deliberately trying to score more goals than us.

Perhaps Alan Pardew should have tried that one.

This could become the start of a sort of series.

Serial Killer Still at Large: Police "not to blame"

Police spokesman Tony Blair has said that the failure to catch a notorious serial killer was exclusively due to the killer's desire not to be caught. "We nearly caught him when we visited his house but he slipped out through the back door and is now in hiding" said Blair. "We didn't plan for the possibility that he might deliberately attempt to avoid us" he added.

Why not try this technique yourself next time your boss has a go at you? If it works for the Prime Minister, surely you can make it work for you too.

Tags: News, Politics, Iraq, Tony Blair